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| My mother in law asked me today to take her to the supermarket to see the books on sale. «I’d like to go to the FNAC ( big media store) too,», she added. «Have you already read all the books we have ordered through Amazon in summer ( entire bestseller lists, for about 350€ total)?» I asked. «No», she replied:»but I still want to have a look!»
That reminds me of an error I often commit: When I’m interested in a topic, I’ll order 3 books on it, instead of one and then not read all. I’ll buy 3 journals and read them superficially instead of buying one and reaing it with pleasure. It’s like the shopaholic who buys 3 t shirts instead of one .
The funny thing is that 3 instead of one give you a kind of indigestion- it lessens the pleasure . My mother in law made me order 20 books but when they arrived it gave her as much pleasure as, let’s say 3 books.
A thought is creeping into my mind: What if the pleasure is about the act of acquiring, not about possessing? As soon as you possess, the object seems to have lost part of its attraction. « Sure, that’s the consumption society» comments my daughter, when I expose my thought. But I wonder if it doesn’t go further than that.
Is it about desire? About the process : desire? To desire something means not to possess it, it is anticipation of posession, and a whole film in the head about how we will feel and what pleasure we will derive from the act of posession.
Still, there are some things which don’t loose their attraction, once we have them. Maybe it is those things we really longed for and couldn’t have. The things for which the desire lasted against other temptations: this or that? «Or those we made an effort for « adds my daugther.
Maybe that is an important element for lasting pleasure- having to choose and having to make an effort. That would mean that not having is part of the pleasure of having. No pleasure in possession without unfulfillment in some sense.
When the unfulfillment isn’t introduced through external circumstances, when having all becomes possible, humans tend to bulimia, because genetically we’re not programmed for paradise where everything exists in abundance. Bulimia and depression, because the lack of unfulfillment feeds a lack of real desire.
It needs a real desintoxication cure. Next time I’ll go shopping for pleasure I’ll set myself a limit: choose one item. When I take my mother in law to a book store I’ll tell her: Choose one book. We can come back and buy another but for each excursion, we’ll buy only one. The satisfaction will be the same but at least there will be more physical exercise!
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| A friend of my daughter's came late to our lunch invitation today. She's earning some money besides going to school working in a supermarket on the week ends. There is always one client who shows up systematically when doors close, spends a lot of time to fill her cart and is deaf to any plea from the personnel as to closing times. That same client another time stood in front of the cashier with a bottle of costly champagne in her hand and facing the girl let it drop to the floor. The colleague who came to wipe the mess up on her knees didn't get to hear an "excuse-me", but a : " can't this be done a bit faster?"
Another friend told my daughter of her experience in scientific preparation school- she cries every night out of exhaustion. The students are treated less than human by the teachers- they are not adressed by name but by numbers: 'number one, number two.... '
A brilliant student did a mathematical formula on the board last week, 'you're annoying' the teacher stopped him: 'get out of the way! You're not commenting, this is zero'
What do these two stories have in common? The message to the young that if you are in power you don't have to care for respect or manners. | | |
| Summer approaches and with it the large information 'gap' due to politicians being on vacation. How else can you explain that the petition of one communist politician put forward to the French parliament to ban Islamic Niqab from public view in France gets so much attention or even serious consideration. Apart from religious precepts of which I'm don't feel entitled to judge several articles I've read on the subject make me want to look at it from a sociologist/ psychological point of view.
1.The protection of the weak.
It goes without doubt that the main argument in France against wearing Hijab if you are a public agent or participating in education in a public institution is the protection of women against male control from their families. Obviously those who have made this restriction never seriously thought about the consequences on those women. Maybe considerable number of them are forced to wear a veil by their family members and that is bad from our standards of equality and liberty. Forcing them to take their veil of before going to school or to work won't change their condition, on the contrary- if the family situation is indeed as supposed it will only heighten male suspicion of the imagined dangers and encourage the males of the family to tighten their 'control' or to consider to stop their womenfolk from working. The Niqab being a more austere version of veil- if it is imposed upon by the men you can be almost certain that an interdiction on French streets will carry as consequence a strict Purdah ( stay at home) command from the men. Result: The government worsens the situation of those it wanted to protect.
2. The liberty of fashion.
France is known worldwide as the country of fashion and I've heard from eyewitnesses that even women in strict Saudi-Arabia are very sensitive to its fashionable charms ( it seems there is a lot of latest trends going on under those black mobile tents). French fashion designers have always promoted creativity and tested the limits to what is possible. Often what you see on the catwalk isn't what will actually sell but what will create the image and reputation of a brand. In a country where from its culture anything goes (as long as it is considered respecting common considerations of decency- you couldn't for example walk downtown Paris barebreasted for long without being arrested) at least for its avantgarde it is contrary to the creative French culture to 'forbid' a certain dress. Sure, in public professional environments the French have always tended to a trend of uniform, a rule there seems more natural, but on the streets? I wonder how long it will take until French designers will take up the topic and turn it into ridicule. Besides, I noticed the negative and stigmatizing effect of those interdictions: Occidental women don't dare anymore to wear the very becoming Grace Kelly headscarf look, they'll stop wearing black capes next out of fear to be mistaken.
3. See you see me
Identification of the human face is inborn.  - this abstract figure is identified as 'human' smile even by babies. All we need to identify our kind is an round/oval shape, two points and a trait. When you dissimulate the shape of your face and hide your nose and mouth, or even your eyes you are preventing the person facing you to instantly identify you as human ( he/she eventually will through extrapolation of experience). That has two effects- what isn't human on hunch can easily be dehumanized if it is a matter of an instant that counts out further reflection- let's say in a conflict. on the other hand, having a 'shape' in front of you without the usual information about emotions is deeply frightening to any human being. Archaic soldiers wore masks to that effect and a large part of the effect of Darth Vader in Star Wars was his dark mask. When I'm facing somebody I can't 'face' I am at loss to evaluate the danger emanating from that person and that in itself represents a potential danger to me. I remember standing on a perfume counter at Galleries Lafayette, the French department store, about 30 years ago. I turned around and unexpectedly faced a woman wearing a Burqua khaliji- a facial masklike thing. It made me instantly jump out of instinctual fear. I'd never before seen such a thing and it took me about an hour to recover from the shock.
What does wearing a Burqua mean for the women? They wear an armor that instantly discourages contact and even frightens, meaning it gives them a psychological advantage over the person facing them, at the same time facing aggression it can loosen any natural inhibitation not to harm another human being. While I feel 'uncomfortable' in front of a woman wearing a Burqua I'd feel positively panicked, come to think of it, if men were wearing those things. To much unknown going on underneath.
As for wearing a simple headscarf that covers the hair, since it is identified as religious symbol I regret the statement of difference it makes. It still lets me identify the face of the bearer and I must say in a lot of cases it enhances the beauty of its wearer. Maybe the negative feeling of a lot of occidental cultured about headscarfs comes rather from custom than from visual impression. Around 60 years ago a woman wouldn't dare to go out in the streets of Europe ( a man neither by the way) without having her head covered by a hat or a scarf- she would be considered shameless. But inside of a house or a church it was considered impolite to keep a hat on and was only 'tolerated' in some cases as 'fashion' statement. Wearing a scarf all the time is like not taking your hat of , probably a behavioral rule that is still present in a lot of heads.
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| Every French company pays a certain percentage of their social security costs into a fund from which they can demand financing for professional training of their employees. This is a swell way of keeping employees on actual standards. It is a fine thing for the training industry too...
The following happened this morning at the reception desk of one of the funds that are entitled to collect and distribute that money (and whose choice usually depends on your branch of activity) when I tried to deposit the papers for some applications for training funding:
Good morning! I would like to deposit this envelope for Onetraining to the attention Ms. Isabelle A.....
Yes....
Can you please sign me this receipt?
(Visibly nervous) I don't belong to Onetraining, I cannot sign this....
I didn't want to put it in the mail, because another application got lost last week.... I just need a confirmation that I've deposited it...
I cannot do this.... ( Calls somebody on the phone)Here is somebody who wants to deposit an envelope for Isabelle A.and needs a signature....
We wait
Do you have an identification paper?- I hand over my passport, she takes my name down.
After 5 minutes a lady shows up, looks at my envelope and at my paper. She takes the phone: Hello, Here is somebody ( what is your name?) A Ms de Lutzel who wants to deposit an envelope for Isabelle A.
I'm terribly sorry to bother you.. You see unfortunately last week the mail didn't arrive, that is why I'm here in person... It's just as if you received an invoiced parcel- somebody does sign those?
Thats the post service!
Well maybe I should talk to them?
It is for Ms. Isabelle A. !
Yes but it is for Ms. Isabelle A; who works at Onetraining... it IS for Onetraining...
The person in charge will come!
We wait
After 5 minutes a woman steps out of the elevator and comes to the desk.
Hello I would like to deposit this for Ms. Isablle A. You see I've talked to her on the phone and by mail and she asked me to send over the papers this week, or our application would be refused... Last week already a file got lost in the mail, so I've come in person. I just need a confirmation of deposit so I know that it will reach the right hands...
I'm the head of the Paris office! Ms. Isabelle A. works for me! She is on sick leave!
Oh, I'm terribly sorry to have bothered you with this, I just wanted to deposit this file. If you are her boss it will be ok I'll leave the envelope with you. I trust you to hand it over. Please give her my regards and my thanks for her help- she was very helpful indeed!
Thank you on her behalf.
Well good bye......
And I leave without any official confirmation of deposit.
It's a French game of power. Legally I can do nothing if ever they refuse to acknowledge the reception ( except hoping that my passport number has been registered as one of the visitors). On the other hand- my demands had been sent in by Fax and way too late, to be legally accepted...
People in France don't like to follow legal dues, they like to make you grateful. If you play the game you'll get much more than if you insist on your rights.
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| After living in France for now 15 years I should have adapted to the system. For most current affairs I have. but every now and then there is a German vice sneaking itself in. Last week it was the naive trust in public services. Aparently my son inherited that default. How else can I explain that he was standing on the busstop on wednesday noon waiting for the bus to come to take him to his oral examen in Latin for his baccalaureate. Now, I have to explain that France is a contry that gives a lot on equal chances. To grant equal chances of evaluation during the baccalaureate examen, the student is sent to another school chosen at random in the vicinity so that the examinator isn't informed that the kid almost never did his homework and never participated in class and thus isn't tempted to make a case. My son, who since he's convinced of his professionnal calling shows extraordinary zeal in school was therefore informed that he would have to show up in a Lycee at Sceaux at 2 pm sharp. My son checked the route on internet, settled for bus transportation and was at the busstop well in advance to be prepared for all eventualities. He wasn't prepared though for nothing happening. After having waited in vain he enquired around and heard that the bus at noon hadn't shown up either. At a quarter to 1pm he called me out of a meeting on his cellphone in order to discuss strategies of transportation. Needless to say that after a short excuse I raced to the parking got into the car and drove home. Just to inform you that last year a group of unfortunate had missed their transport because of strike and had needed to wait another year to finish their examens. ( It also gives you an idea of private legal power facing public services in France). Well I picked up the poor kid who had lost a bit of his usual coolness and was mumbeling under his breath that he couldn't wait to get out of this unreliable country. I had no idea where my ' Maria Hilf was ( name given by my mother to those devices that miraculously indicate to path to foreign shores and best translated into: 'Saint Mary help!' a much uttered phrase in Bavaria- although my mom can't stand Bavarians....). We had to work with old fashioned road maps. Against expectations there was an exit for Sceaux on the 86 highway and the rest was well indicated. with the help of the map and the visual spacial capacities of my son, we managed to find the Lycee without too much delay and I deposited him 30 minutes before the deadline at 50 metres. The rest of the way I was able to enjoy the countryside, first getting lost in the small old streets of Sceaux, then following a broader road at random estimate ( it went the opposite direction) to Bagneux zigzaging my way back to the office at Issy Les Moulineaux. Sceaux is a swell place I must say. Beautiful castle, nice houses, old center- I just would have liked to discover it under less disturbing circumstances! | | |
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